The desire to live with presence is a interesting thing. In the beginning, there is no desire because there is simply presence. We are born with the ability for deep awareness of each occurring moment. I see it in the babies I watch. They are here feeling their joy now, feeling their hunger now, feeling tired now, feeling love now.
Then at some point along the journey our culture has constructed, we begin to slip into another mindset. We begin gazing into the future and back into the past. The present moment becomes evasive. This is generally speaking of course. We all experience times of great rapture and awe - periods of crystal clear perception and sensation. But, don't we take great notice of these "special" and stand-out moments? They must stand out because they are not of our normal routines.
What happens when we wake up to this? I can't speak for us all anymore, but I know my own experience. I have been struck with a deep desire to live in the present and to know and relate to life more deeply. Mindfulness, awareness, acceptance. The want to sit equally with my joy and my trials. I see time moving at such a clipping pace as I get older. And, I'm still young. I wonder how much more it may speed up in a decade. Life streams by, and I want to feel it trickling, floating, raging me forward. I don't want life to slip through my fingertips.
Isn't this desire to live and know presence why I became a yoga teacher? Yoga is a practice of this very presence in which I strive to find. As an instructor I have the opportunity to guide students to find their own observance of each moment as I journey to find mine. Still, at times when I teach, I catch myself listening to the sound of my own voice. Sometimes I'm unamused and maybe even uninspired by my words. I wonder then if I'm doing okay. Clearly, that presence is still not completely soaked into my being... I still endeavor to find it. Isn't that the way of it? We all slip in and out of our perceived "best" in this life. The meandering, the sudden corners, the slow climbs - those are what create life and experience. This is how we learn, and it's why we are here. To be with each experience is Presence - it's being fully engaged in the moment.
So, instead of a new year's resolution, I've made a New Year's Sankalpa (Sanskrit word for "intention").
I choose to live with presence and intent.
It's time to step out of the sidelines of my own life and to jump in head-on...or heart-on. Let's go!
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I LOVE this so much! First of all I was SO excited to see that you had posted, but then I was so enthralled with this post. I need this as well. I am one that thinks so often of the future. Chelsea, you inspire me so much. You always have. And I think that's why I value our friendship SO much because you give me a sense of awareness that no one else can. I love it! Thanks, I'm going to post this on my blog. I needed it. :)
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