High Maintence Hippie and Wake-up Calls

You know that saying 1 step forward, 3 steps back?

Well, I think sometimes it’s more like 1 step forward, a left turn, 7 laps and then a tumble!

The route that progress takes is always surprising me. And maybe sometimes those steps back and turns are actually part of the advancement after all. For instance, Dillard’s felt like a complete plummet for me at first, but it has turned into such a blessing. I’ve learned more about stress management, multi-tasking and people from this job than I ever thought possible. But, more than that – it has brought wonderful new friends into my life that I am indescribably grateful for it. It has given me self reliance and time to enjoy it. Nice change of pace. It may not be even close to my career aspiration, but it has its rightful place in the journey.

What suddenly made me see all this? Well, you know me – Miss Go-Go-Go All the Time Bulldozer. I hit a wall and finally had to slow down and look around.

Too bad it took me crying on the street last Tuesday to get this wake-up call. But, when we choose to shut out the signals, life does what it has to do to nudge us back to center. I feel I was living from thrill to thrill – getting my fix on the next purchase, the next night out. Too selfish. The meaning started to fall away. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had some beautiful, beautiful moments recently and have been happy. I’m just hard on myself and am catching myself before I get lost in this materialistic world. I’ve felt myself getting sucked into the typical young American woman persona and chatter as I work in consumerism central (aka – the mall) – too much noise, not enough reality. It’s a fun time, but I’m not getting trapped.

All in all – I’m seeing simply that I have to find the balance.

I can’t always be hippie, anthro major washes her hair with vinegar and honey Chelsea and I can’t always be crazy, party only uses a Coach purse Chelsea. I have to find the middle – that’s where I am in the merging of the two….of the many, really. We wear so many hats, don’t we? So, I’ll be what Steffanie calls me: “a high maintenance hippie” and more than that, I’m just going to be me. I’m recognizing that selfhood is ever shifting from week to week, day to day, moment to moment – but the core is always the same.

So, enough sappy self reflection. Time to go listen to Katy Perry’s new E.T. song on repeat that I’m obsessed with, watch yoga videos and brush my cat. Ha, these blogs so often end with my cat. Hahaha. Oh, Life you are my favorite comedian. : )