Defining Adulthood

Yesterday evening, after not having worked that day, I sat on a metal swing-set at the bottom of a dugout. Under the warmth of the July sun, I swung back and forth contemplating what it means to grow up. Does being on the swing take away points from my adulthood, I wondered. Would the mopping I just did add points to balance it out? Did I need to pay off all my debt to up the score enough to maintain adulthood status for a month? I stared at the dusty blue pickup truck on the street and let my bare toes drag in the dirt. I breathed in - No, this right here in this crisp, clear moment is life - no score is kept. There are only choices and experiences. I will not one day suddenly transform into an "adult." There is no magic age or formula.



Some people define adulthood as the amount of responsibility and discipline you maintain. By that count, would being more frugal than necessary, keeping a spick and span house, working out everyday and keeping a clean diet for an entire season qualify me as a grown-up? Absolutely not - it would make me fiscally secure, tidy and fit but also very OCD, grumpy and boring. No one can be that perfect 100% of the time, and if they were they would likely have little fun and no friends. If that is genuine adulthood, count me out! Alright, in some ways society says marriage shows you have grown up. I laugh at that. Commitment does not directly translate to maturity. Parenthood should prove you're an adulthood, right? No. We all know people that have children that are still children themselves. Are you grown-up when you've landed a certain job? Is the CEO always wiser than the waitress? Nope.



So, I return to my earlier conclusion. This is life right now in every moment - no tally, no clear cut definition and absolutes. Whether I choose to spend an hour playing on a child's swing-set or cooking a balanced meal, I'm still just me. I continued to pump my legs watching my shadow kick and pull and thought about the concept of wasted time. Was time wasted because I didn't work that day? Is time worthy only when spent in socially deemed productive ways? I weighed different answers and came up with a firm no. Time can never be wasted. It moves the same regardless of what we choose to do with it. To me is an 8 hour shift at Dillard's spent folding denim, helping a handful of customers and trying to look busy more worthwhile than an hour yoga class or a cup of coffee with a friend or a marathon of Big Bang Theory with my boyfriend? No, not really. I determine value by how I feel and how I'll remember moments. Dillard's time has all conglomerated into a blur in my mind. But, I will remember branching out into Warrior III pose, laughing with a friend and cuddling with my boyfriend - because these things all bring me joy.

So, it's simple - at every age, do what brings you joy. I'm not suggesting a reckless life. You still have to balance your check book, do the dishes and put on your running shoes sometimes. It's about finding the balance because life is the practical, the fun and the vast in-between. We just have to do it all in a way we can stand - find a way to smile through it all. To me, "adulthood," if there is such a thing, is being secure in yourself and being responsible for your choices. It isn't about growing up - there is nowhere to get to. We are simply growing and moving. We each have a choice of how we will live and that is so beautiful.